Funny Love Quotes For Him

Funny Love Quotes For Him

Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter. Cecilia Egan

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? Edith Ann

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him. Cher

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. Erma Bombeck

Men aren't necessities, they're luxuries. Cher

In love women are professionals, men are amateurs. Francois Truffaut

By the time you swear you're his,

Shivering and sighing,


And he vows his passion is infinite, undying -

Lady, make note of this: One of you is lying. Dorothy Parker

One lover, that is love; two lovers, that is passion; three lovers, that is commerce. French proverb

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. Groucho Marx

I'm always looking for meaningful one night stands. Dudley Moore

Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put "Emily I love you" on the back of the bill. Groucho Marx

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. Erma Bombeck

When two people decided to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to. Helen Rowland

Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. Fran Lebowitz

A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superfluous. Ingrid Bergmen

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Funny Love Quotes For Her

If women didn't exist all the money in the world would have no meaning. Aristotle Onassis

Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue. You can work hard and make it through the struggles; however, you usually leave your bobby socks and sneakers behind along the way. Unknown Author

In their hearts women think that it is men's business to earn money and theirs to spend it. Arthur Schopenhauer

When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires. Unknown Author

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. Benjamin Franklin

Men only have two faults....What they do, and what they say! Unknown Author

When men and women die as poets sung, His heart's the last part moved, her last, the tongue. Benjamin Franklin

You can't buy love on eBay. Unknown Author

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. Billy Crystal

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it? Unknown Author

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less. Brendan Behan

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him. Brendan Francis

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. Charlie Brown

Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. Cathy Carlyle

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonette

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Funny Love Quotes

To be loved with love and care you will need joy and laughter in your love life and the easiest way one can find is through Funny Love Quotes. Share these collection of hilarious and humorous funny love quotes with your loved one and have a day to remember.

Shopping is better than sex. At least if you're not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like. Adrienne Gusoff

If you want peace in the house, do what your wife wants. African proverb

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. Agatha Christie

I was married for nine years. Eight of those years were very passionate. But… well, passion's a mild word for it, really. It's… well, it was more like war. Alan Bates - An Unmarried Woman (film)

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. Albert Einstein

If you want to read about love and marriage you've got to buy two separate books. Alan King

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity. Albert Einstein

Law and love are the same; romantic in concept but the actual practice can give you a yeast infection. Ally McBeal

Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent. Unknown Author

Love at first sight is cured by the second look. American proverb

You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty. Unknown Author

"In literature as in love we are astonished at what is chosen by others. Andre Maurois

"The four most important words in any marriage..."I'll do the dishes." Unknown Author

"A man who is honest with himself wants a woman to be soft and feminine, careful of what she's saying and talk like a man. Ann-Margret

" No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. Unknown Author

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Success Quotes

Here are some inspiring quotes about success....

"In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure."

~Bill Cosby............

"Everybody’s a self-made man; but only the successful ones are ever willing to admit it."

~ Anonymous............

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."

~Robert F. Kennedy on achievement, which is often a measure of success.............

"It is time for us to stand and cheer for the doer, the achiever, the one who recognizes the challenge and does something about it."

~Vince Lombardi................

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."

~Winston Churchill...............

"The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions."

~Confucius........................

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Good Luck Quotes

These are specifically on Good Luck and good fortune or some quotes that you could use to wish someone with good luck..

"As good luck would have it."

~ William Shakespeare...............

"Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises."

~ Demosthenes.........................

"Wisdom is the winner over good luck"

~ Juvenal...............................

"I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it."

~Thomas Jefferson.................

"Diligence is the mother of good luck"

~ Benjamin Franklin......................

"Good fortune does not happen because of luck."

~Catherine Pulsifer

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Women Quotes

Here are some women quotes.. Some are quotes on women and some are by famous women......

"However, I’m not denying that the women are foolish: God Almighty made them to match the men."

~George Eliot..............

"Women deserve to have more than twelve years between the ages of twenty-eight and forty."

~James Thurber.......................

"No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not."

~H.L. Mencken............................

"Women like silent men. They think they’re listening."

~Marcel Achard............................

"Every woman should have a purse of her own"

~Susan B. Anthony..............................

"Fighting is essentially a masculine idea; a woman’s weapon is her tongue."

~Hermione Gingold.............................

"The expression a woman wears on her face is far more important than the clothes she wears on her back"

~ Dale Carnegie

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Choices Quotes

These are our favorite quotes about choices... Hope you like them too...

"When you can’t have what you choose, you just choose what you have."

~Owen Wister................

"Life is a sum of all your choices."

~Albert Camus......................

"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

~Anonymous.....................

"A man is happy so long as he chooses to be happy and nothing can stop him."

~Alexander Solzenitsyn.........

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